Aren't we silly
Posted: Mon Feb 13, 2017 1:58 am
In the spirit of Groucho Marx ("If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you."), I offer the following excerpt from a book I'm perusing - Bike Snob: Systematically and Mercilessly Realigning the World of Cycling
(from the chapter entitled Pain)
"Cycling's... pretty easy, though like sex and everything else in life, you can make it as simple or as complicated as you choose. However, cycling does require physical effort - and yes, extreme effort can be painful...
"...[Y]ou might even find you like the pain of exertion, in which case cycling offers a wide verity of pain-inducing disciplines to which you can subject yourself. Certainly, you can seek pain and exertion on your own, but for the true masochist, nothing beats road racing. Road racers actually ritualize the pursuit of pain by donning strange formfitting clothing, strapping electronics onto their bikes and themselves in order to measure the pain, and then flogging themselves and each other on rides during which things like smiling are discouraged. Essentially, the only thing separating a sexual sadomasochist and a road racer is slightly different fetish gear.
"If you prefer to smile while you torture yourself, you can also engage in other painful pursuits, such as cyclocross. In cyclocross, smiling and having fun are actually acceptable, though the suffering is no less acute. It still falls under the "fetish" category, but it's more like those clown fetish people who dress as Bozo and throw pies at each other than the ones who wear PVC bodysuits and administer nipple clamps.
"For the masochistic autoeroticist with anal-retentive tendencies, time trials or triathlons are the way to go. They provide all the perverse suffering of road racing but without close proximity to others, allowing you to focus entirely on your own twisted needs. Yet there are still people around and you're being timed, so there's a certain voyeuristic thrill. You also get to wear clothing that makes roadie kit look modest. Think Lieutenant Dangle from Reno 911! [maybe I am too young to understand this reference?] in an aero tuck."
I also got a giggle out of his encouragement of fender use. Because "when you're on a bicycle, your wheels actually throw up more water from the road than is falling down from the sky ... fenders will actually reduce your wetness by more than 50 percent. In other words, you'll be able to ride more than twice as much as you did without them, since what was once enough rain to keep you off the bike is now less than half enough to keep you outside."
(I think that makes sense.) Pick up the book for more nuggets of wisdom and to while away the sub-zero hours between waking and up the magical moment when you can safely ride again.
(from the chapter entitled Pain)
"Cycling's... pretty easy, though like sex and everything else in life, you can make it as simple or as complicated as you choose. However, cycling does require physical effort - and yes, extreme effort can be painful...
"...[Y]ou might even find you like the pain of exertion, in which case cycling offers a wide verity of pain-inducing disciplines to which you can subject yourself. Certainly, you can seek pain and exertion on your own, but for the true masochist, nothing beats road racing. Road racers actually ritualize the pursuit of pain by donning strange formfitting clothing, strapping electronics onto their bikes and themselves in order to measure the pain, and then flogging themselves and each other on rides during which things like smiling are discouraged. Essentially, the only thing separating a sexual sadomasochist and a road racer is slightly different fetish gear.
"If you prefer to smile while you torture yourself, you can also engage in other painful pursuits, such as cyclocross. In cyclocross, smiling and having fun are actually acceptable, though the suffering is no less acute. It still falls under the "fetish" category, but it's more like those clown fetish people who dress as Bozo and throw pies at each other than the ones who wear PVC bodysuits and administer nipple clamps.
"For the masochistic autoeroticist with anal-retentive tendencies, time trials or triathlons are the way to go. They provide all the perverse suffering of road racing but without close proximity to others, allowing you to focus entirely on your own twisted needs. Yet there are still people around and you're being timed, so there's a certain voyeuristic thrill. You also get to wear clothing that makes roadie kit look modest. Think Lieutenant Dangle from Reno 911! [maybe I am too young to understand this reference?] in an aero tuck."
I also got a giggle out of his encouragement of fender use. Because "when you're on a bicycle, your wheels actually throw up more water from the road than is falling down from the sky ... fenders will actually reduce your wetness by more than 50 percent. In other words, you'll be able to ride more than twice as much as you did without them, since what was once enough rain to keep you off the bike is now less than half enough to keep you outside."
(I think that makes sense.) Pick up the book for more nuggets of wisdom and to while away the sub-zero hours between waking and up the magical moment when you can safely ride again.