Remember, Mr. Hairy Nose: you asked for this bitch-slap

[Lund]

You threw down the gauntlet – you asked for this mocking;
This bright trail of red has the astronauts talking:
“Who’s Alan, and why does he suck so immensely?
And why do his nostril hairs grow so darn densely?"

But we folks here on Earth know it’s shockingly worse:
You wear ill-fitting panties and carry a purse.
And then there’s your slowness, akin to molasses –
The essence of “wimp,” save for Coke-bottle glasses.

But every grey cloud has a bright silver lining;
And Alan, despite all your weak puerile whining,
With all of your awkward and ladylike movements,
You'll always have infinite room for improvements.

[John D]

I hereby declare nominations for the "Best Forum Post of 2015" now closed!

Unless, of course, Alan mounts a suitably witty/catty/kick-ass comeback.

[Lund]

Unless, of course, Alan mounts a suitably witty/catty/kick-ass comeback.

Don't hold your breath.

[katew]

Bwa ha ha ha ha hahahah

[Alan]

Steve,
From the bottom of my cleats, thank you, thank you, thank you.
After meeting with my publisher today and wondering about 'cover art', for my next book, you have solved my problem.
That stunning graphic will handsomely adorn the front cover, and the poetry will fit nicely on the back. I assume that since it's now publicly released in Stravaland, copyright won't be an issue.
No one has ever spent so much preparation, time, thought, energy, sweat or rhymes telling me how much I suck. And you can imagine you've got competition in that department.

I am not quite sure what a 'bitch slap' is, but if it's supposed to make you feel all warm and fuzzy like I'm feeling now, then I can say with much moistness, I feel your love.

[Alan]

The writer is thinking up a doozy of an appropriate response...