Festive 500 and Winter Solstice ride.

[Paul C.]

For Newbies ...and others;

Festive 500 ( F500 ) is a Strava challenge which is completing any 500km from December 24 at 12:01a.m. to
December 31 at midnite. This year Dec 24 snd 31 are Sundays.

Winter Solstice ride is currently scheduled for Saturdat Dec23

[Paul C.]

Continued....Sat Dec 23....
Richie s suggestion: Make it Sunday Decembet 24 and it counts for F500.

????

[Plawless]

I REALLY like this idea Paul (and Ritchie)! What a great way to get a solid start on the festive 500... think leaving Fairfield Starbucks at the regular time (coffee @ 7; riding at 7:30) to do the solstice ride is perfect. So moved!

Peter

[mfarnham]

Good idea Paul. Barring any brilliant arguments to the contrary, let's make it Dec 24.

Martin

[John D]

>Barring any brilliant arguments to the contrary...

Well, since you asked...

Unless I'm mistaken, the loop is 1 mile (or 1.6 km). So, assuming 100 km at 30km/h, starting at 7:30am means that we won't finish until almost 11:00am. It being Xmas Eve on a Sunday morning, that's simply too late - a 30-person TSC peloton will be a potential traffic hazard to cars, pedestrians, dog-walkers, peacocks...

I'd suggest that those wanting to get their Festive 500 kms in start no later than 6:00am.

J.

[Rolf]

There was a time when the mere suggestion of moving the Solstice Ride to another day for the sake of convenience (and Strava challenges) sent some of us off into paroxysms of tiresome and/or entertaining abuse.

But seeing as the solstice this year is actually at 8:28 a.m. on Thursday, Dec. 21, what's another day?

However, Xmas Eve is not a day to commandeer lightly. If it's Sunday, I'd second John's motion, and add a 5:30 meet-up at Cook St. Bucks, to hit the ring well fortified by 6:00.

[Paul C.]

I have a feeling a few cx riders I know will be out at 5.30 or 6am on Dec 24.
Rain or Shine
Wind or Sleet.
Ice or Snow.

Alan C its been awhile since you've shared a poem with us!?

[JTyre]

For the newbies, would someone please explain why Rolf and Alan are still talking to one another? And, picking up on Paul’s CX reference, has a contemporaneous ride around the Beacon Hill trails ever been raised as an option? Civic correctness aside, I’d certainly consider that in place of mindless buttestical numbing circuits on the road.

John F.

[Rolf]

Speaking of portmanteaux, “buttestical” takes the biscuit!

I know the ring seems dead boring, John. But after 50 laps that little bump by Mile Zero starts feeling like a Belgian power-climb. 100K of the Beacon Hill CX lap would absolutely kill me.

As for Alan, he mostly just laughs at me, I think.

[Alan]

My we were witty back then, eh Rolf? With our swirling orbs and metaphysical banter....
Now for the poem, I'm trying to find a word that rhymes with buttestical....

Rolf have you yet shared your very nice video that features you doing a summersault with the Go Pro? That was truly poetic, where the only line of dialogue is Rolf saying, perhaps to himself: "hey that was my first summersault with my Go Pro...."

[Greg F]

My we were witty back then, eh Rolf? With our swirling orbs and metaphysical banter....
Now for the poem, I'm trying to find a word that rhymes with buttestical....

I’ll give it a shot:

Before we earn our drinks
At Cafe Fantastico,
Many miles must be ridden
And chamois warmed by buttestical.

[JTyre]

Great start on the poem Alan! If it helps rhyming wise, I noticed that my little portmanteaux was overly gender specific. How about these modifications:

Before we earn our drinks
At Cafe Fantastico in china,
Many miles must be ridden
And chamois warmed by buttesticalagina


John F.

[JTyre]

Whoops, just noticed that the original was Greg's handiwork not Alan's.

[Rolf]

That made me spit out muh cawfee, John! How's this:

• Round and round the ring we go,
  To mark a special day.
  Declination (don't-cha-know)
  Means darkness has its say.
  
  Simon, Kate, and Barton Bou.,
  ("Insane", their sobriquet)
  Planned this madness* (winters too)
  Four years ago last May.**
  
  Solstice is when Tripleshot,
  En masse comes out to play.
  Beacon Hill: through rain we've fought,
  A hundred laps of spray.
  
  Summer weather asks for miles:
  A hundred lap display.
  Winter's discount reconciles:
  It's just one hundred K.***
  
  Sooooo...
  
  Bring your soft perineum,
  Your courage I inveigh.
  Club and pride demand we numb
  Butt-esticle-ginae!

*That thread is also notable for foreshadowing Alan's proclivity for animal cruelty.
**June, actually. But: poetic licence, yada yada...
***i.e. 60-ish laps.

N.B. I feel obliged to note "portmanteaux" is itself a portmanteau for the plural of "portmanteau", employing the French pluralization of nouns ending in "-eau". The actual English plural of portmanteau is, of course, portmanteaus.

[Fozzy]

Rolf. Do you do any work??

[Rolf]

Neil: you try to rhyme with buttesticleginae. That was work!

(If you mean paid work, or “work” defined as a non-elective task requiring exertion that one is obliged to do: I helped settle a lawsuit today and saved you and every other B.C. taxpayer the waste of proceeding to trial. I rhyme in my spare time.)

[Greg F]

In jest, I can imagine:

Rolf: I’d like to propose a settlement.
Opposing lawyer: We are most definitely NOT interested in a settlement!
Rolf: Did I ever tell you I argue all my cases in court in Iambic Pentameter or to the tune of Gilbert and Sullivan songs? <starts singing> I am the very model of a modern major barrister...
Opposing lawyer: <quickly> We are interested in a settlement.

[Rolf]

OMG Greg. You were on the line? Those were privileged communications.

Actually, to wrestle this thread back on topic, I’ve found riding the solstice century next to someone who can form coherent sentences, and is interested in something more than watts and bicycle components, really helps the laps go by...

[Alan]

Two things:

1. I resemble those remarks--ie: Gophers yelling "Alan, Alan, Alan, Alan...." ad infinitum... which frankly now invades my sleep, part of my unwelcome Karmic bond with the animal world. Thankfully those dreams end well, because Alan is not to blame. As we all know, It's Steve!

2. This thing, whatever it is:

Bring your soft perineum,
Your courage I inveigh.
Club and pride demand we numb
Butt-esticle-ginae!

As the club's only formally trained literary critic, this gets my vote for next year's Post of the Year. What it lacks in taste, clarity and proper meter, it makes up in inventiveness and audacity. It reminds me of a wine critic commenting on a newer Merlot, who sniffed arrogantly, then pronounced:
"It's a saucy young wine, which lacks breeding, but I'm sure you'll be amused by it's presumption."

My next task will be to try to set this to music...get the band together to lay down a few tracks, add in a couple of carefully edited cyclocross clips, including sunrises, beach scenes, mountain passes and gymnastical summersaulting, and voila, a new category of award for next year: TS MusicVideo of the Year

[Paul C.]

I know Alan and Rolf are both still trying for post of the year, but I believe it was decided last Friday.
Do you not have jobs ,kids and bike maintenance to look after?