Gillian on the worlds

[Lister Farrar]

Gillian posted this on her facebook page, but for those not on fb, thought you might like. Great, human, stuff.

Gillian Carleton
a few words from the 2013 track worlds:

and just like that, it’s all over - six races, twenty-four hours (three spent sobbing and dry heaving in various bathrooms), two very costly mistakes, the time trial of my life, and one world championship fifth place. game, set, match.

i would be lying if i said that the thought of quitting didn’t cross my mind many times. for several hours yesterday i put my head and my heart through absolute hell - no legs from too many sleepless nights and not enough food, no mental energy left to make split second tactical decisions. getting dropped, constantly, and clawing my way back. frantically trying to check back in, when everything in my body and in my mind had already checked out.

the overwhelming sense of guilt for letting everyone down.

i am familiar with pain, especially on the bike. i wait in eager anticipation for that feeling of lactic acid flooding my legs, for the taste of blood in the back of my mouth, for the harsh, ragged breaths as my overworked lungs strain for more oxygen. but this week, my heart has hurt more than i hope my legs ever will. every vein, every artery, every capillary, has been screaming at me - we are used up. there is nothing left.

i walked into the velodrome this morning with my head down, and my headphones in. i didn’t smile. i didn’t make eye contact with anyone. but then on rollers, slowly, oh-so-slowly, my legs started coming around. they knew what my head did not - today was a new day. three new chances to screw everything up, or three new chances to do everything right.

and somehow i did almost everything right: i put myself into the pain cave early in the pursuit, and managed to hang on. i followed my plan in the scratch race and came away with an okay result. finally, in the last event, it all came together: the perfect standing start that’s been a year in the making. the leg speed i’ve been cultivating on rollers since the games. the joyful agony of oxygen deprivation and the invincible feeling of not slowing down.

JS - today was for you. today (with all its good), and yesterday (with all its bad), and our team pursuit bronze earlier this week. with every pedal stroke, every start, every jump, i could hear you yelling. thank you.

[leftcoaster]

Wow


Lister, thanks for re-posting.

[Stéphane Tran]

Looks like Gillian will be a writing regularly for Bicycling.com:

http://www.bicycling.com/news/pro-cycli ... ging-gears